112: Whose Voice is in Your Head? Perfection Detox Round Two with Petra Kolber

I am beyond lucky to have the brilliant Petra Kolber as one of my best friends in New York City, and just delighted to celebrate her book launch this week!! It's been a long journey, and one that forced her to confront the very message of her book: overcoming the inner critic and imposter syndrome because "the world needs your voice, not your perfect silence."

As I wrote in the show notes for our first Pivot Podcast interview in January 2017, Petra just radiates joy and truly walks her talk. When she enters a room, it lights all the way up with her positivity, passion for life and joie de vivre.

But that doesn't mean she hasn't wrestled with her own dragons, particularly around perfectionism (as have so many of us). Coming from decades in the fitness industry, Petra struggled with the pressure to be perfect in looks, body, business, and beyond. 

As a two-time cancer survivor, she is passionate about waking people up to the precious gift of time. Her mission is to inspire people to move more and to fear less, so they can stretch their dreams, strengthen their courage muscle, and build an inspired life full of joy and gratitude. In this follow-up show we explore her book publishing process ups and downs, moving past the mirror, the platinum rule (a favorite new concept!) of self-compassion, and much more. 

Let's support her launch!! Grab a copy of The Perfection Detox: Tame Your Inner Critic, Live Bravely, and Unleash Your Joy, and check out Petra's awesome podcast, Perfection Detox. You can also get lots of goodies to go with the book at PerfectionDetox.com

View the show notes for this episode at PivotMethod.com/podcast/perfection-detox-2.

More About Petra Kolber

Petra Kolber is an internationally renowned fitness expert and wellness leader who is known as a crusader for change and a beacon of authentic happiness, helping people stand up for their lives and live profoundly from their hearts. In her 25 years in the fitness world she has starred in and choreographed sixty award-winning videos and fitness programs, and has worked with many top brands including Reebok, Gatorade, California Walnuts, and the Daily Burn.

As a two-time cancer survivor, she is passionate about waking people up to the precious gift of time. Her mission is to inspire people to move more and fear less so that they can stretch their dreams, strengthen their courage muscle and build an inspired life, full of joy and gratitude. In her spare time, Petra is an aspiring DJ, a budding cook, an avid traveler and podcast maven. Petra’s first book was just released, The Perfection Detox: Tame Your Inner Critic, Live Bravely, and Unleash Your Joy.

Topics We Cover

  •  Grappling with raising her hand as an expert, standing out when it wasn’t encouraged in British culture
  • Whose voice is in your head? “Your father is a drunk,” and “You could stand to lose a couple pounds.” (choreographer - shame sat in my soul for years) 
  • On exercise (versus movement): “Maybe the workout I had just missed would be the one that would eventually unravel the career I had worked so hard to establish.”
  • Separate who you are from what you do, and what others have to say about it
  • Seth Godin: “to be remarkable you need to be remarked on.” - people will remark on what they like and what they don’t
  • Gary V: “We are either on offense or defense”
  • Byron Katie’s response: “You’re right” - don’t waste our time attacking the other person either
  • Petra, “Well that’s interesting” 
  • Downgrade the power of praise - work hard, but we’re not doing it for the outcome of praise
  • Petra’s pivots out of the fitness industry toward something that honors inner qualities 
  • Fitness industry made what the body looked like into the definition of success - not as much the vehicle for a bigger life 
  • One of the hardest things - especially for women - is the mirror. “I refuse to beat myself up”
  • Think about your words as energy - Golden rule, platinum rule (speak to others as they want to be spoken to), Diamond rule - speak to yourself as you speak to those around you. 
  • Control and how that ties in with perfectionism; how does this help me grow? What wound do I need to look at? 
  • Commitment aversion is a perfectionistic personality signature trait
  • Psychologist Edith Grotberg: I have (support structures), I am (inner strengths), I can (problem-solving skills, skills we might need to acquire) 
  • "I am enough and there is still work that I want to do”
  • Pivoting her message to happiness - response on social media was about the shinyness and how to get there - ways she has adjusted since (without oversharing) 
  • When do we share our stories? Three questions: am I looking for something in return? Is this going to make the other person worse, am I doing this as a power play? Am I doing this to connect at a heart level? 
  • Aiming at authenticity and transparency, not just connecting “around cracks” 
  • Difference between rumination and reflection, procrastination (and “procrastilearning” versus percolation
  • Ideas die in isolation; share your work before you think it’s ready

Podcast: Whose Voice is in Your Head? Perfection Detox Round Two with Petra Kolber

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