293: 🍝 Are you a Spaghetti-Twirler or a Spaghetti-Thrower?

Are you an asker or a guesser? In 2015 while I was deep in hermit mode writing Pivot while living in a tiny studio apartment in Nolita (North of Little Italy), a friend texted:  “Hey, do you mind if I crash on your couch tomorrow night?”

To this day, I still feel somewhat bad about my answer . . . but every bone in my body was saying, “Yes, I mind.” I said no. Years later, I still wonder: Should I have rolled with the punches, accepted the spontaneous company, and just said yes?

Today I’m sharing a framework that changed my life when I first read about it in Jocelyn Glei’s book, Unsubscribe—the difference between ask culture vs. guess culture. Or as I like to think about it, spaghetti throwers vs. spaghetti twirlers. Which one are you?

🌟3 Key Takeaways:

  • Would you go out of your way to initiate what someone just asked you for? If not, say no!

  • Build awareness about your own style: Are you a giver, taker, or matcher? A spaghetti twirler, or a spaghetti thrower? If you know what you are by nature, you can respond to (and make!) requests more intentionally.

  • As Jocelyn Glei writes, What if you stepped into the asker's shoes every time you got an email that felt like an imposition? Reframe the situation, put the ask in perspective, and consider the opportunity with a relaxed attitude.”

 

✅Next Action: Establish your own rule of thumb for asking and giving in your relationships. Do you want to wait for 10 touchpoints before making a request like Alex Rodriguez? A year of time like Dorie Clark? Find something that feels joyful and in integrity to you.

 📘Books Mentioned:

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